Afterword

I wrote this book before the 'choosing a bear vs. a man in the woods' memes came out. I chose the analogy for the same reason as the memes. Everyone knows you should stay away from a bear in the woods because they can be dangerous. It's obvious. That's the point. Women would rather choose the danger they know, like bad relationships, versus an unknown danger. Generally, if you leave a bear alone and don't scare them, they will leave you alone. You know there are factors like post-hibernation hunger, mating season, or the proximity of cubs that can increase your odds of danger. It's a calculated risk, but it's all physical danger.

The man in the woods represents the possibility of multiple levels of danger. There are physical, sexual, mental, and emotional reasons we don't trust men when we are in a vulnerable place. Most of us don't spend a lot of time in the woods, so we feel more vulnerable there. Things look a little scarier, noises are unfamiliar, and we aren't sure what to expect. Remember, we've been socialized to feel we need a man and to be responsible for men. The last thing we need in that unfamiliar place is a man whose intentions are unknown and whom we feel we need to look after. But we can't just leave him alone because that feels unacceptable. Where leaving the bear alone is the obvious best option, leaving the man alone isn't necessarily obvious or what feels like the best option.

Take a look at the choice in these memes. The part most people miss is the 'in the woods.' If it were a bear vs. a man on a city street, my guess is you'd choose the man. In that situation, the bear is out of its element and likely to be a bit riled up. It would make sense to choose a man where you normally find men. You could choose to leave a man on a city street alone. It wouldn't be abnormal behavior. It may be unwelcome and he may be vocal about it, but it's a situation that is familiar. You know what to do.

I chose the bear in the woods analogy because everyone understands that danger, but also because the woods represents the unknown that making this shift in your life can feel like. Things are unfamiliar, you don't know what to expect, and you can feel a little out of your element. That is to be expected. I can tell you that as you continue to make these new choices and set boundaries, they will start to feel good for you. Eventually, they will feel familiar and right. If you spend enough time in the woods, you learn the sounds and the movements, and you grow confident enough to enjoy the beauty all around you. That is my wish for your life as well. Trust yourself and enjoy the beauty!